Smarties

Gone are the days when these delightful little sweets were full of sugary goodness and additives. Today's average tube of smarties looks like it's been left out in the rain instead of being the bold and bright rainbow it once was. Let's consider the facts.

_______Old Smarties* ___________ _________New Smarties*

The Smarties on the right are the new healthier option, they are not chemically coloured but are made using natural products found in plants, minerals and other incredibly boring, 'good4u', sources. They might make my tummy happy but they make my eyes want to cry.

The Smarties on the left are the amazingly artifically coloured smarties. Not only does merely looking at them put you in a good mood but apparently they also promote entertaining behaviour such as temper tantrums and hyperactivity [Mail on Sunday], which is something I personally value seeing as TV programming has turned to sh*t recently. What better way to spend you evening than by watching your seven year old run round and round the room screaming abuse at you and throwing your precious Thai vase against the wall? I can't think of one.

Of course, I recognise that we have to look after kids, that feeding them chemicals and encouraging them to shatter expensive furniture is not the best way to raise them BUT look at it this way:

1. 90s kids were raised on the good kind of smartie, the special welcoming kind that made you feel good and go crazy. And going crazy meant you were EXERCISING. And we turned out alright. Sure, there's the odd one or two of us who is in and out of the psychiatric ward but hey! Better to be insane than boring, right?
   
2. The new brand of 'healthy' smartie looks like some brat has sucked on it for a good 10 minutes then spat it out. It's just not aesthetically pleasing. And that was half the fun of smarties... that they looked happy.
   
3. It's chocolate. And it's sugar. It's not meant to be good for you, it's not one of your 5-a-day, it's a sweet. A pleasant, but occasional change to the monotony of carrots and peas. It's meant to make you excited. It's an escapism, the less artificial rubbish there is in smarties, the more 8 year olds will be turning to cocaine. Mark my words.

So, ladies and gentleman of the jury, I say bring back this little bundle of joy! Let us celebrate the endorphins and highs it gives us and forget about the damage it does!

*Picture property of http://www.smh.com.au/